Smells Like Yukon Flog

As some of you may be aware, the Smells Like Yukon Flog was recently accused of manipulating content to attract unsavoury high-yield Google ads.

We now wish to vigorously defend Smells Like Yukon against these outrageous allegations. And, honestly, we don’t care how many low-cost prescriptions for Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Yohimbine or any other erectile dysfunction pharmaceuticals it takes to get the job done.

First off, let us emphasize that the Flog is written primarily for our own entertainment. It’s also used to disseminate (pardon the keyword) the occasional bit of news about the Smells Like Yukon radio series. As a result, the Flog receives only a handful of visitors every day—mostly from the Whitehorse Correctional Centre, mental asylums in southern Canada, confused Bulgarians, and YTG employees. If the Accuser (hereinafter “Silly Old Men”) believes that the Flog receives enough traffic—and stupid click-happy traffic, at that—to make the publishing of Google Ads (pornographic or otherwise) a profitable venture, he is sorely mistaken.

Furthermore, we were not even aware that Google Adsense serves pornographic ads—and, upon investigation, have been unable to confirm that this is so. In any case, we think Silly Old Men will be challenged to find any porn ads on this site.

We should also clarify that it was never our intention to attract pornographic ads. Rather, we were trying to attract ads for dating sites targeting hairy gay men. (If Silly Old Men can’t distinguish the difference between “porn” and “gay,” there’s not much we can do about that.) We did this not because we had any sense of the lucrative nature of clicks on text ads related to the romantic lives of hairy gay men, but because the idea amused us. Also, we found the man on the GayBear homepage kind of sexy.

While we’re at it, we might as well re-state for the record that we are NOT—and never have been—paid to blog about our acclaimed Grizzly Project. In fact, we think the owner of the Flying Pisces would probably be happier if we cancelled the project altogether. He’s scared of bears. And we mean the real ones, not the ones that seem to get Silly Old Men so hot and bothered. Nor, we might add, are we motivated by financial concerns to blog ad nauseum on other nonsensical subjects.

The shocking truth is, content (if not substance) always trumps commercial considerations when it comes to the Flog. We know this may seem hard to believe, especially for Silly Old Men who have no shame about flagrantly shilling all manner of schlocky electronics, travel deals, online get-rich schemes and other garbage through their blog posts. But that’s the way it is.

Perhaps Silly Old Men will read this explanation and find it wanting. Alas, what are Silly Old Men to do?

Well, we’ve now posted a warning that will hopefully keep them from stumbling too deep into the disgusting quagmire that is the Flog. But for those Silly Old Men who just can’t help themselves, we suggest you simply read the Flog with quiet contempt—you know, like everyone else.

We’d now like to take a momentary pause from feudin’ in order to call your attention to something that’s actually worth reading.

While researching a blog post about alternative wilderness activities, we came across an Up Here article on nude hiking. We then noticed a superb blog post by the article’s author, Tim Querengesser.

Some of you may remember Tim as a Yukon News reporter who took off to spend a year reporting from Africa. (Or maybe he was really at a secret Marsh Lake gulag building illegal docks for B&Rs.) He has since landed in Yellowknife, where he continues to churn out some of the most engaging writing about the North. In fact, if there’s anyone who writes better about the North, we haven’t found him or her–although fellow Up Here contributor Katharine Sandiford could give him a run for his money.

So, if you’re looking for an online source of quality northern writing, no need to wait for What’s Up Yukon to post its next issue to its website. Head to the Up Here blog and get a taste of the good stuff. Seriously.

It’s no longer enough that we simply respond to the insensitive comment left by one of the Flog’s visitors yesterday. We now feel the need to enlist the participation of more sinister forces… like the FBI and CIA.

As a result, the Smells Like Yukon Flog will be offline for approximately six hours while we complete the amendment of all previous comments by Murray to read like jihadist diatribes against America.

Your patience is appreciated.

We were so shocked by yesterday’s unprovoked online assault that we couldn’t come up with a reply–at least not before a reader who calls him(her?)self “The Hedgehog” managed to nose his way into the Comments.

If we had been a little quicker off the draw, we might have posted something along the following lines:

1. Your feedack is appreciated–almost as much as your assistance with increasing the number of times the word “porn” appears on our site.
2. Let’s not fight here. Meet you at GayBear in 10 minutes?
3. The failure to deploy your cherished smiley-face emoticon suggests that your comment was submitted in earnest. Please come again!
4. We are saddened to learn of your dislike for the Flog. Others seem to really enjoy it. Just yesterday, a reader named Meembedia dropped by SIX times to say “I have been reading this blog for some time now but never bothered to comment until today. Wanted to let you know that I am a fan and enjoy your work.”
5. If we really wanted to pad the Flog with salacious search terms, don’t you think we’d have made more frequent use of the word dolphin?
6. Sweetheart, let’s try to remember the good times.
7. If we ever receive a cheque from Google Adsense, we’ll eat an entire issue of a certain Yukon entertainment publication. Yes, yes, we know it’s probably healthier than the usual method of consumption, but it’s still pretty unpleasant.

We could have come up with, like, 10 ways, but we have real work to do.

No, it wasn’t enough that we created the poorly-maintained and seldom visited Smells Like Yukon Scratch n ‘ Sniff Photo Gallery or the Subvert Smells Like Yukon Alternative Gameswear Where? Gallery.

Smells Like Yukon is now pleased to announce the somewhat less than Grand Opening of its new Dog Gone Yukon Coat of Arms gallery in the Smells Like Yukon Digital Scrapbook. Inspired by the most recent Smells Like Yukon segment “Knock It Off,” the goal of the gallery is to give Yukoners a glimpse of their future–symbolically speaking–without a husky on the Coat of Arms. There are only two images there right now, but since it’s damn easy to mock these things up, you can actually expect to see a rapidly expanding number of exhibits.

And on that topic, we’re wondering if there are any DINKish Yukoners out there who a) own a Pathfinder with a roof rack (Thule preferred) b) work for YTG and c) have a photograph of yourselves that you’re just dying to see slapped on top of Yukon’s Coat of Arms. Oh, and there’s one more criteria: please make sure you’re at least as attractive as an inbred dog. If you’re not sure, ask someone.

We’d also be happy to entertain any other suggestions for Coat of Arms mash-ups. If you have an image, send it. If you just have an idea–and it better be dumb–send that our way and we’ll see what we can do.

And finally… one of the options in the most recent online poll about the husky’s retirement plans involved a move to Nunavut. In case you were having trouble picturing this, we’ve now solved that problem for you.

Never complain that we don’t care.

Our marketing / event planning consultant–who has been to Lollapalooza one time too many–has insisted we re-brand this evening’s plain old candlelight vigil with a weirder and catchier name. So, we give you, reluctantly… Vigilicious.

Unfortunately, all our marketing collateral has already been prepared, and at considerable expense, so we’ll be asking Vigilicious participants who encounter the original branding (or lack thereof) to mentally substitute the new, marketing-approved branding in its place. We appreciate your cooperation and regret any inconvenience this may cause.

The date, time and location of the event remain unchanged. As planned, Vigilicious will take place this evening at 8:05 p.m. (PST) sharp at the Smells Like Yukon Vigil Page. If you plan to attend, we encourage you to light a candle. If you’ll be taking advantage of this balmy November weather to flame broil some meat on the barbecue, we’ll understand–but at least pause a moment to think of our cause. While you’re at it, have a beer. After all, we’re not trying to save the world. We’re just trying to win the freedom of one lousy digital photo.

Mandela would be proud.

After a dimly-lit and soft-spoken meeting last night, the Smells Like Yukon Vigil Sub-Committee has decided to hold a candlelight vigil tomorrow evening. Why? As if it’s not totally obvious, the vigil will mark the one-week anniversary of the City of Whitehorse’s failure to add the image by our own Fritzie Berkwissmier to its Gameswear Where? Gallery, even after promising–in writing, we might add–that this would occur imminently.

We know this is short notice, but we hope many of you will be able to attend this brief but important event. Through our awesome display of unity, strength and solemn resolve, we can hopefully send a message to the City that this injustice must be come to an end. If nothing else, it will be opportunity to share our grief.

In order to make your attendance as painless as possible, we’ll actually be holding the candlelight vigil online at the Smells Like Yukon website. You might want to head to the candlelight vigil URL right now for more details and to bookmark the page to expedite your return tomorrow night.