Smells Like Yukon Flog

Blame it on the commodity boom.

Due to the rising cost of fodder, the Smells Like Yukon Online Poll has not been updated in conjunction with the latest segment “Into the Mild.” Going forward, we’ll be updating the poll on a monthly basis, along with the caption contest. Of course, we’ll understand if you turn elsewhere when you want to take the pulse of Yukon opinion. May we recommend the morgue? Do we even have a morgue?

To cushion the inevitable disappointment, Smells Like Yukon is pleased to present “Wild Thing,” a full-length interview with James McCullough, who was featured in this morning’s segment on CBC North. You’ll also find an assortment of outtakes and deleted sounds.

It’s hard to believe that anyone who isn’t “outdoorsy” would choose to live in the Yukon, but Jesse and Mark manage to make an example of a long-time Yukoner in the next segment of Smells Like Yukon.

The new segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, June 04–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

For devotees of the Smells Like Yukon Members Club, the previous segment of Smells Like Yukon, “New & Improved,” will be available for online listening no later than tomorrow. If you already heard the story on the radio, then you’ll know that the title was a complete joke.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with a “wealth” of content related to the new segment, including music details, behind the sounds gossip and audio outtakes. You can also feel free to check out our public opinion poll and current caption contest.

After more than two months off the air, Smells Like Yukon returned this morning with the first of three segments to complete the current season. As usual, you’ll find details about this morning’s story “New & Improved” in the Segment Guide. If that’s not enough, you can read more on the segment’s Behind the Sounds page, which includes the script, three outtakes and almost no additional information with any redeeming value.

On the other hand, we strongly encourage you to participate in our new online poll. For the first time ever, it may have a practical application.

A new caption contest will be posted later in the week. We’ll actually have some prizes for this one.

Lastly, set your alarms for June 4 and 18. Those are the dates when the final two segments of Smells Like Yukon are scheduled to air on CBC. Production is currently underway.

Suppose for a moment that someone told you “Smells Like Yukon? Don’t hold your breath for another installment this season.” And suppose you didn’t listen. Well, now would be a good time to exhale. If you sustained any brain damage thanks to this exercise, all the better to enjoy what’s coming at you.

A new segment is finally scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, May 21–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio. Of course, none of the above applies in the event that the CBC producer actually forgets to air the segment. Or moves the time. It’s happened before.

We won’t bore you with a lot of details about the new segment. If we must, we’d rather bore you with the segment itself. Suffice to say, your enjoyment of, or disdain for, the new piece will be greatly enhanced if you are familiar with the following previous Smells Like Yukon segments: this one, this other one, that one–oh, and that one, too. If reading about these segments isn’t enough, you can always listen to them by joining the exclusive Smells Like Yukon Members Club. Your appreciation of the upcoming segment might be enhanced, as well, if you know anything about Vietnam or are a fan of bad music from the 80s or 90s.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with new content over the coming week. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, a public opinion poll, and our regular caption contest.

This is how CBC morning show host Sandi Coleman described Jesse and Mark in her intro to the latest segment of Smells Like Yukon, which aired on Wednesday, March 12–a week later than we originally told you. In case you missed it, the segment was all about things that smell like Yukon. We know, we know–it was long overdue!

At any rate, we’re not sure what Sandi meant by this comment: are they below average or above average Yukoners? We’ll leave you to formulate your own answer to that question.

Still on the subject of above average Yukoners, we once again tip our hats to Michael Pealow, who captured his third victory in the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest. It was the only entry we received, but we dare say, if Mark was the final judge, we can’t imagine how it wouldn’t have prevailed against any slew of other fine entries. For all you keeners–namely you, Michael–we’ll be posting the image for the latest contest sometime over the weekend.

As usual, the broadcast of a new segment also means we’ve posted a new online poll. This one asks for your opinion about an official sound for the Yukon. We’ve also posted an audio outtake from the piece. This one might actually be worth listening too, assuming you’re easily offended and/or a member of the Francophone Association.

Smells Like Yukon has now exhausted its supply of canned segments for the season. Production of the final three monthly segments should commence sometime in early April, with a broadcast date to be determined. We’ll keep you posted.

Before reading this, we recommend that anyone taking heart medication have a few pills and a glass of water close at hand.

If you haven’t been paying attention–and we assume this is the case–you may not be aware that the next segment of Smells Like Yukon is the last one scheduled to air on CBC this season.

Now might be a good time to swallow those pills.

Need another moment to absorb the shock?

No problem.

Alright, dammit, that’s enough time. It’s only a stupid radio segment, you know.

If you still can’t get over it, we suggest you try one of those nifty portable defibrillators. Or maybe the following clarification will help put your heart and mind at ease….

Before Jesse bolted for warmer climes last October, he and Mark were only able to complete seven segments for the current season. However, Jesse’s days of freedom are rapidly drawing to a close; he’ll be returning to the Smells Like Yukon Correctional Facility in late March. At the time of Jesse’s departure, the plan was to produce at least three more segments to complete the season–one for each of April, May and June. Now, we know Jesse has visited a few monasteries in his travels, so we can’t say for sure that he hasn’t shaved his head and found a religion that precludes involvement in anything as spiritually bankrupt as Smells Like Yukon. But we’re operating on the assumption that the plan remains intact and a new segment will air at some point in April, though it’s highly unlikely that this will occur in the usual Smells Like Yukon timeslot on the first Wednesday of the month.

Bottom line: you’d better enjoy the next segment because you won’t hear a new one for a while. Fortunately, this one will pack enough dramatic content to carry you through well into spring. If you don’t believe it, just read the following synopsis:

In the novel Remembrance of Things Past, an excerpt of which Mark discovers on the Internet, French writer Marcel Proust offers a moving description of the evocative power of smell. Finding no need to ever mention this inspiration, Mark and Jesse embark on a quest to produce a radio documentary about the smell that really says “Yukon.” After a brief flirtation with a related get-rich-quick scheme, they enlist the help of a local aroma therapist to make the Yukon the first Canadian jurisdiction with an official odour. And, no, it isn’t dog doodle.

This segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, March 5–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment “Knock It Off” is now available for online listening to Members in good standing.

In the meantime, we highly recommend that you take this last opportunity to vote in our current online poll about the post-retirement plans of the malamute husky on the Yukon’s Coat of Arms. But if voting requires more work than you can handle, then whatever you do, don’t submit an entry for Caption Contest #13. Right now, we’ve only got one entry, uncontested; any additional entries will only trigger online voting in a democratic process that has the potential to leave Hillary Clinton crushed beyond her wildest fears.

Alright, prepare to be teased. Not a lot, just a little. But certainly enough to make it worth your while, especially if you’re chained to a cubicle at YTG.

Now, if you’ve been paying a bit of attention, you’ll know that the first Smells Like Yukon segment, which aired about a year ago, chronicled Mark and Jesse’s efforts to give the husky dog on Yukon’s Coat of Arms a personality makeover on the occasion of its 50th birthday. But if you’re not paying enough attention, you might jump to the conclusion that tomorrow’s segment is just a rerun of that original piece. And you’d be mistaken.

What actually happens is that Jesse and Mark revisit that first segment and entertain the possibility that they were wrong to toy with the beloved husky on Yukon’s Coat of Arms. What they should have done was knock that dog right off its pedestal—and replace it with a more modern symbol of Yukon life. Fired up with a new determination, the pair then canvasses opinion from a ridiculously small sample size of Yukoners, which eventually results in a visit to the local brewery. It isn’t long before they’re willing to ignore their exhaustive research and proclaim their own choice to replace the husky. You can blame it on the beer. Mark and Jesse prefer to call it “genius.”

This segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, February 6–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment “B&R” is now available for online listening to Members in good standing.

In the meantime, we highly recommend that you take this last opportunity to vote in our current online poll about the best way to punish naughty Yukon News reporters who get too close to the Truth about the B&R conspiracy that controls the Yukon.

Consider yourselves teased.

As it turns out, there was a mix up in the airing of the most recent Smells Like Yukon segment on December 5. Instead of hearing a scandalous tale about bred-in-the-bone Yukoners, you heard a couple of almost-grown men playing Asteroids in a basement.

As you may have guessed, Mark emerged from the safehouse last night. Since then, he has managed to furnish enough information to update the Smells Like Yukon website with information about segment #12 and a video for Behind-the-Sounds. Sadly, we suspect that Mark’s time in hiding has had a detrimental effect on his mind because the first thing he did upon return to Whitehorse was attend a seminar to help newcomers “survive” a winter in the Yukon. And on top of that, he refused to settle on a single, pithy title for the segment–which is not like him at all.

The upside of Mark’s experience on the run is that Salman Rushdie has agreed to work with him as an executive coach.

If you listen to the CBC broadcast of Smells Like Yukon on December 5 expecting to hear shocking revelations about Yukon’s “born and raised” population and instead hear what appears to be two guys talking with their mouths full, don’t blame us.

We’d like to say our teasers about the content of this segment were a concerted effort to jerk you all around–we really would–but the news would actually be much worse. The airing of an alternate segment might mean that the all-powerful “born and raised” Yukon establishment conspiracy has managed to intimidate someone at CBC. Or, for all we know, it could be something KarlHeinz Shreiber said to the House of Commons Ethics Committee. Of course, there’s always the potential explanation that CBC just got mixed up about the order the segments are supposed to air.

The last-minute possibility of a segment switch was brought to our attention when we heard a recorded CBC promo for Smells Like Yukon sometime after 6:00 p.m. tonight. While it’s flattering to think that SLY warrants that kind of publicity after the local CBC shop has locked up for the night, it has certainly thrown a little wrench into our plans to update the Smells Like Yukon website as usual.

As a result of this confusion, you won’t find details about segment 12 on the website until a future time when we actually know, for sure, which story CBC decided to air. Before Mark went into the safehouse with the expectatation that the original story about “born and raised” Yukoners would air, he compiled information about that segment–and that segment only.
If the original segment does air, we should have the site updated in pretty short order. On the other hand, if it’s a different segment, it might take us some time to put together the details, behind-the-sounds story, and a content-appropriate poll. The good news is, Mark will be able to leave the safehouse immediately and get to work on this material.

Is there a connection between illegal docks at Marsh Lake and missing Yukon News reporters? You bet. And this connection—plus a whole lot more—will be explained in the next radio segment of Smells Like Yukon, when crack investigative journalists Mark and Jesse infiltrate the conspiracy of “born and raised” Yukoners who rule virtually every aspect of life in modern-day Yukon. What they discover, to paraphrase Orwell, is that all Yukoners are equal, but some are more equal than others.

This segment to which we referred in the preceding teaser is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon the first Wednesday of the month, sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. And just in case you’ve lost your calendar, that would be tomorrow…Wednesday, December 5th. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear tomorrow’s segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells LikeYukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the scenes gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment, “The Barstools of Yutopia,” is now available for online listening–but only if you’re a member of the Smells Like Yukon Members Club.

In the meantime, we recommend that you take another opportunity to vote in our current online poll while it’s still current. It asks you about what the Yukon needs in order to truly qualify as a utopia. We’re pleased to announce that we have also re-opened all our previous polls. So, if you voted in the past and regret your stupid choice(s), here’s your chance to do it all over again.

And if you’re really hard up for entertainment, you can always peruse our “fascinating” archives of updated news, unbecoming events, free store donations, online video clips and other features on the Smells Like Yukon website.