Smells Like Yukon Flog

After a delay of two weeks, CBC North is scheduled to broadcast the season finale of Smells Like Yukon on Wednesday, July 2 at the usual time–between 7:00 and 7:30 a.m.

We’re telling you this now, rather than the day before the broadcast, because we hope you’ll have better things to do than spend the July 1 stat reading blogs. In fact, if you’re as smart as we assume our readers and listeners are, you already figured out how to get Monday off as well, and you won’t be reading this until both Smells Like Yukon’s second season and, less importantly, Canada’s national holiday are but distant memories.

The date may have changed, but the exciting plot for Wednesday’s season finale certainly hasn’t. We’re too lazy to find some creative new way to hype the big event, so click here if you’re the kind of person who gets goosebumps from recycled material.

We feel terrible.

First, we promised you video footage of starving grizzlies attacking the Flying Pisces Mobile Bistro. Then we destroy the tape. Then we’re unable to get new footage, even after the bistro spent a weekend in prime bear country during the Kluane Bluegrass Festival. (Don’t worry, we’ll keep trying.)

Now, on top of these disappointments, we now have to announce that, contrary to today’s earlier post, the much-anticipated season finale of Smells Like Yukon will NOT air tomorrow morning as scheduled. You don’t know how much we’d like to be able to say it’s because a starving grizzly ate the segment, but it’s more like something in the software ate it. Mark is now working to rebuild the file and, if all goes according to plan, the finale should air within the next eight days.

We’ll keep you posted.

Remember that Dallas cliffhanger when JR got shot? Or how about when Pam realized she’d dreamed an entire season–and husband Bobby hadn’t been shot at all. Or maybe that other season ender when somebody else probably got shot. Maybe Ray or Miss Ellie, who can can keep track.

If you’re wondering what the hell Dallas is, then we should really have Tommy Hunter track you down and whoop your ass with a little prayer book. Unless Sue Ellen pumped him full of lead, of course.

Dallas also provides a convenient segue into the news that Smells Like Yukon’s final story of the season will air on CBC tomorrow morning at about 7:15–and neither Mark or Jesse gets shot, much to your relief or… disappointment, as the case may be. However, your favourite “journalists” may breathe a little more exhaust than is healthy, all in pursuit of a story designed to keep YOU safe and healthy this summer.

If you need to you can listen to the segment live on the Internet by using the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage.

We should also note that the MP3 of the last segment, “Into the Mild,” is now available for online listening in the Members Club. If this applies to you, please… remember to wear your jacket. We made them for a reason.

Blame it on the commodity boom.

Due to the rising cost of fodder, the Smells Like Yukon Online Poll has not been updated in conjunction with the latest segment “Into the Mild.” Going forward, we’ll be updating the poll on a monthly basis, along with the caption contest. Of course, we’ll understand if you turn elsewhere when you want to take the pulse of Yukon opinion. May we recommend the morgue? Do we even have a morgue?

To cushion the inevitable disappointment, Smells Like Yukon is pleased to present “Wild Thing,” a full-length interview with James McCullough, who was featured in this morning’s segment on CBC North. You’ll also find an assortment of outtakes and deleted sounds.

It’s hard to believe that anyone who isn’t “outdoorsy” would choose to live in the Yukon, but Jesse and Mark manage to make an example of a long-time Yukoner in the next segment of Smells Like Yukon.

The new segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, June 04–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

For devotees of the Smells Like Yukon Members Club, the previous segment of Smells Like Yukon, “New & Improved,” will be available for online listening no later than tomorrow. If you already heard the story on the radio, then you’ll know that the title was a complete joke.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with a “wealth” of content related to the new segment, including music details, behind the sounds gossip and audio outtakes. You can also feel free to check out our public opinion poll and current caption contest.

After more than two months off the air, Smells Like Yukon returned this morning with the first of three segments to complete the current season. As usual, you’ll find details about this morning’s story “New & Improved” in the Segment Guide. If that’s not enough, you can read more on the segment’s Behind the Sounds page, which includes the script, three outtakes and almost no additional information with any redeeming value.

On the other hand, we strongly encourage you to participate in our new online poll. For the first time ever, it may have a practical application.

A new caption contest will be posted later in the week. We’ll actually have some prizes for this one.

Lastly, set your alarms for June 4 and 18. Those are the dates when the final two segments of Smells Like Yukon are scheduled to air on CBC. Production is currently underway.

Suppose for a moment that someone told you “Smells Like Yukon? Don’t hold your breath for another installment this season.” And suppose you didn’t listen. Well, now would be a good time to exhale. If you sustained any brain damage thanks to this exercise, all the better to enjoy what’s coming at you.

A new segment is finally scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, May 21–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio. Of course, none of the above applies in the event that the CBC producer actually forgets to air the segment. Or moves the time. It’s happened before.

We won’t bore you with a lot of details about the new segment. If we must, we’d rather bore you with the segment itself. Suffice to say, your enjoyment of, or disdain for, the new piece will be greatly enhanced if you are familiar with the following previous Smells Like Yukon segments: this one, this other one, that one–oh, and that one, too. If reading about these segments isn’t enough, you can always listen to them by joining the exclusive Smells Like Yukon Members Club. Your appreciation of the upcoming segment might be enhanced, as well, if you know anything about Vietnam or are a fan of bad music from the 80s or 90s.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with new content over the coming week. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, a public opinion poll, and our regular caption contest.

This is how CBC morning show host Sandi Coleman described Jesse and Mark in her intro to the latest segment of Smells Like Yukon, which aired on Wednesday, March 12–a week later than we originally told you. In case you missed it, the segment was all about things that smell like Yukon. We know, we know–it was long overdue!

At any rate, we’re not sure what Sandi meant by this comment: are they below average or above average Yukoners? We’ll leave you to formulate your own answer to that question.

Still on the subject of above average Yukoners, we once again tip our hats to Michael Pealow, who captured his third victory in the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest. It was the only entry we received, but we dare say, if Mark was the final judge, we can’t imagine how it wouldn’t have prevailed against any slew of other fine entries. For all you keeners–namely you, Michael–we’ll be posting the image for the latest contest sometime over the weekend.

As usual, the broadcast of a new segment also means we’ve posted a new online poll. This one asks for your opinion about an official sound for the Yukon. We’ve also posted an audio outtake from the piece. This one might actually be worth listening too, assuming you’re easily offended and/or a member of the Francophone Association.

Smells Like Yukon has now exhausted its supply of canned segments for the season. Production of the final three monthly segments should commence sometime in early April, with a broadcast date to be determined. We’ll keep you posted.

Before reading this, we recommend that anyone taking heart medication have a few pills and a glass of water close at hand.

If you haven’t been paying attention–and we assume this is the case–you may not be aware that the next segment of Smells Like Yukon is the last one scheduled to air on CBC this season.

Now might be a good time to swallow those pills.

Need another moment to absorb the shock?

No problem.

Alright, dammit, that’s enough time. It’s only a stupid radio segment, you know.

If you still can’t get over it, we suggest you try one of those nifty portable defibrillators. Or maybe the following clarification will help put your heart and mind at ease….

Before Jesse bolted for warmer climes last October, he and Mark were only able to complete seven segments for the current season. However, Jesse’s days of freedom are rapidly drawing to a close; he’ll be returning to the Smells Like Yukon Correctional Facility in late March. At the time of Jesse’s departure, the plan was to produce at least three more segments to complete the season–one for each of April, May and June. Now, we know Jesse has visited a few monasteries in his travels, so we can’t say for sure that he hasn’t shaved his head and found a religion that precludes involvement in anything as spiritually bankrupt as Smells Like Yukon. But we’re operating on the assumption that the plan remains intact and a new segment will air at some point in April, though it’s highly unlikely that this will occur in the usual Smells Like Yukon timeslot on the first Wednesday of the month.

Bottom line: you’d better enjoy the next segment because you won’t hear a new one for a while. Fortunately, this one will pack enough dramatic content to carry you through well into spring. If you don’t believe it, just read the following synopsis:

In the novel Remembrance of Things Past, an excerpt of which Mark discovers on the Internet, French writer Marcel Proust offers a moving description of the evocative power of smell. Finding no need to ever mention this inspiration, Mark and Jesse embark on a quest to produce a radio documentary about the smell that really says “Yukon.” After a brief flirtation with a related get-rich-quick scheme, they enlist the help of a local aroma therapist to make the Yukon the first Canadian jurisdiction with an official odour. And, no, it isn’t dog doodle.

This segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, March 5–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment “Knock It Off” is now available for online listening to Members in good standing.

In the meantime, we highly recommend that you take this last opportunity to vote in our current online poll about the post-retirement plans of the malamute husky on the Yukon’s Coat of Arms. But if voting requires more work than you can handle, then whatever you do, don’t submit an entry for Caption Contest #13. Right now, we’ve only got one entry, uncontested; any additional entries will only trigger online voting in a democratic process that has the potential to leave Hillary Clinton crushed beyond her wildest fears.

Alright, prepare to be teased. Not a lot, just a little. But certainly enough to make it worth your while, especially if you’re chained to a cubicle at YTG.

Now, if you’ve been paying a bit of attention, you’ll know that the first Smells Like Yukon segment, which aired about a year ago, chronicled Mark and Jesse’s efforts to give the husky dog on Yukon’s Coat of Arms a personality makeover on the occasion of its 50th birthday. But if you’re not paying enough attention, you might jump to the conclusion that tomorrow’s segment is just a rerun of that original piece. And you’d be mistaken.

What actually happens is that Jesse and Mark revisit that first segment and entertain the possibility that they were wrong to toy with the beloved husky on Yukon’s Coat of Arms. What they should have done was knock that dog right off its pedestal—and replace it with a more modern symbol of Yukon life. Fired up with a new determination, the pair then canvasses opinion from a ridiculously small sample size of Yukoners, which eventually results in a visit to the local brewery. It isn’t long before they’re willing to ignore their exhaustive research and proclaim their own choice to replace the husky. You can blame it on the beer. Mark and Jesse prefer to call it “genius.”

This segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, February 6–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment “B&R” is now available for online listening to Members in good standing.

In the meantime, we highly recommend that you take this last opportunity to vote in our current online poll about the best way to punish naughty Yukon News reporters who get too close to the Truth about the B&R conspiracy that controls the Yukon.

Consider yourselves teased.