Smells Like Yukon Flog

The image for Caption Contest #14 has now been posted to the Smells Like Yukon website. It kind of ties into the most recent segment, “The Smell of the Yukon.” Mostly, it was to indulge Mark’s twin fetishes: The Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise and Russian military culture.

The two characters in the image were actually photographed in a small Japanese car filled with school children. But in order to appease Whitehorse City Council, the Yukon chapter of the Canadian Cancer Society, and Yukon NDP leader Todd Hardy, our Photoshop technician went to great efforts to remove them.

This is how CBC morning show host Sandi Coleman described Jesse and Mark in her intro to the latest segment of Smells Like Yukon, which aired on Wednesday, March 12–a week later than we originally told you. In case you missed it, the segment was all about things that smell like Yukon. We know, we know–it was long overdue!

At any rate, we’re not sure what Sandi meant by this comment: are they below average or above average Yukoners? We’ll leave you to formulate your own answer to that question.

Still on the subject of above average Yukoners, we once again tip our hats to Michael Pealow, who captured his third victory in the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest. It was the only entry we received, but we dare say, if Mark was the final judge, we can’t imagine how it wouldn’t have prevailed against any slew of other fine entries. For all you keeners–namely you, Michael–we’ll be posting the image for the latest contest sometime over the weekend.

As usual, the broadcast of a new segment also means we’ve posted a new online poll. This one asks for your opinion about an official sound for the Yukon. We’ve also posted an audio outtake from the piece. This one might actually be worth listening too, assuming you’re easily offended and/or a member of the Francophone Association.

Smells Like Yukon has now exhausted its supply of canned segments for the season. Production of the final three monthly segments should commence sometime in early April, with a broadcast date to be determined. We’ll keep you posted.

Good question. And, apparently, Smells Like Yukon isn’t the only one asking it. Just yesterday, someone from Washington, D.C. found his or her way to the Smells Like Yukon website using this very query. We’re pretty sure this person didn’t find an answer–at least not a good one–but hopefully the various re-interpretations of the Yukon’s Coat of Arms provided a little entertainment. By now, we think that everyone, including our friend on the Potomac, can agree that the better question is “Why isn’t Scooby-Doo on the Yukon Coat of Arms?” Damn, he looks fine up there.

While we’re on the subject, just a reminder that we’re still looking for entries for Caption Contest #13. So far, we’ve only received one and it’ll be tough to beat:

“…and that’s how Hanna-Barbera got the Yukon to change its motto to
‘Rarger ran Rife’.”

Our privacy policy prevents us from saying who submitted this entry, but we will tell you that he’s won the contest enough in recent months; and now, he MUST BE STOPPED.

Does anyone know how to block server traffic from a specific geographic location? Like Taiwan?

Someone—or some group—from the little island that drives China wild is so fanatically dedicated to Matthew Lien that they return time after time to our 2008 Strategic Resolutions Poll in order to diabolically skew the results away from what would otherwise be the clear popular choice: “Make fun of Matthew Lien.”

The fact that these hacker-types attempt to achieve their goal by always voting for Smells Like Yukon to “just give up” in the coming year only underscores that they’re too lazy to raise their game. If it was us, we’d redouble—or maybe retriple or even requadruple—our efforts to jack up the vote count for EVERYTHING except for “Make fun of Matthew Lien.” This might make it easier for other voters to help ourcause.

But, really, what are you Asian fanatics so worried about? We haven’t decided if we even want to make fun of Matthew Lien yet, or how we’d go about it if we did. So our advice to you is to relax—or we may be forced to add “Join Matthew Lien’s squad of Taiwanese online attack dogs” to the list of options in our “Every Dog Has Its Day Poll.”

Which reminds us: We’d like to tell prospective contestants that the winner of Caption Contest #13 will receive, in the mail via Canada Post, a unique signed first edition print of the sentence that was too crude for publication in the aforementioned poll.

Now there’s an incentive that’s hard to ignore.

(This post is best consumed with Whitesnake playing on a portable Sanyo.)

There were tears. There was a nasty e-mail campaign. There was the whole race card thing. And, we suspect, there was even some online stuffing of the ballot boxes. But for better or worse, the campaign to claim the title of “Winner” in Smells Like Yukon’s Caption Contest #12 is now over.

Congratulations, Murray Lundberg.

We suspect you ran a dirty, underhanded campaign. But don’t worry–we love your for it. That’s exactly the kind of hope and change we’ve been looking for at the democratic party that is (and wll always be) Smells Like Yukon. Of course, you’re well aware of what the “prize” is, so we can’t blame normal people for wondering what’s wrong with you.

With the formality of a backhanded congratulatory statement out of the way, we can now turn our attention to the important matter of Caption Contest #13. Unlike the images for many of our caption contests, this isn’t just some random concoction. No, our team of Photoshop scientists carefully designed the image to create synergy with the most recent radio segment “Knock It Off.”

That’s what we call “marketing”, folks. You can just call it “wow.”

Well, we knew it would happen. As soon as this morning’s new Smells Like Yukon segment “Knock It Off” aired on CBC, officials from the Yukon Quest were on the phone to register their bitter protest that we would dare to harm even one hair on the Yukon Coat of Arms’ husky dog–and just days before this year’s race is about to start. We expect that Tourism Yukon and perhaps the Yukon’s Commissioner may have similar complaints, but we’ve taken the phone off the hook.

On the upside, Alaska governer Sara Palin did Skype us to discuss the intriguing possibility of replacing the malamute husky with an Alaskan husky–or possibly a section of pipe. Discussions are ongoing.

As usual, we have released a new online poll related to the segment. It suggests about 20 great activities that the Yukon’s malamute might focus on in its “retirement” days. But what will really grab you is the absence of one suggestion that was simply too risque and controversial to publish.

The Behind the Sounds features for “Knock It Off” have also been posted to the site. This includes a rambling essay about dogs, a segment script, and several outtakes, including a candid heart-to-heart between Mark and his father.

As if all this wasn’t enough, you can cast your votes for the winner of Caption Contest #12. The polls will remain open until Friday morning, at which point we hope to have a clear Democratic winner that all Republicans can then proceed to rally against in the most malicious ways imaginable.

Good day.

It’s just a couple of days before the broadcast of the next Smells Like Yukon segment (watch for the teaser on Tuesday), so that means time is running out for entries into the current Caption Contest.

We’re pleased to say that we’ve had a couple of new entries to give Whitehorse listener/reader Michael Pealow a run for his money. He’s been winning so many literary-related contests lately (like this one and this one) that we’re afraid a third consecutive victory in our monthly challenge might go straight to his head. And we all know what happens then: you wind up looking like that guy in the photo for the caption contest. (Please feel free to steal this premise for a contest entry.)

Anyway, we now add the following new entries to the two we received earlier in the month:

1. In an effort to minimize disturbances to its own tenuous customers, Air Canada uses an Air North Hawker Siddley to weather test new make-up for its flight attendants.

2. On a frigid final approach to Dawson City, a passenger flying in Air North’s new “Gimp Class” starts to regret his decision.

Voting begins on Monday.

As foreshadowed earlier this week, we’re running low on unimportant things to write about, so we are now forced to move on to weightier matters–like the two entries we’ve received so far for Caption Contest #12. In response to the image of some sort of gargoyle-like Quasiomoto-ish face pressed against a starboard window of an Air North Hawker-Siddley on approach to the Dawson City airstrip, we have the following:

1. RCMP Corporal Lance Theboyle, seen here on the first leg of his long trip to Pleasant Bay, Newfoundland, is leaving the Yukon after serving 17 years in Old Crow.

2. After the incident, Jim Welsh of Kite Yukon acknowledges, “In hindsight, we shouldn’t have held the kite skiing demonstration so close to the airport.”

We must say, we’re impressed with the willingness to drag innocent, unsuspecting third parties into the practitioning of nonsense at Smells Like Yukon.com. We’re a little more disturbed, however, about the implications that the first caption makes about life in Old Crow. Seventeen years? Mark looked that frazzled after his first trip to the Yukon’s most northerly community–and that visit only lasted about three days. However, this can be explained by the fact that he had to fly from Whitehorse to Old Crow twice to get there once, on account of the plane’s inability to land in ice fog.

All joking aside, Mark says he had a lovely time in Old Crow, especially when the RCMP flew in about 30 buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken for its Christmas open house. The local food was okay, too.

Caption Contest #11 winner Michael Pealow has rendered his final decision in record time, so we not only have a caption finally attached to the semi-nudist on the fringe of Rotary Park; we also have a whole new disturbing image to challenge your minds for Caption Contest #12.

Honestly, we don’t know what to make of it. All we know is the photo was taken on a flight to Old Crow last winter–and the photographer swears up and down that it has NOT been Photoshopped.

Barak Obama may feel like a winner this morning. But, we can’t help asking ourselves: Is he chasing the wrong dream? Does he know about the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest?

Having contributed four of the total five entries in Caption Contest #11, it shouldn’t come as any surprise to Michael Pealow that he’d be a strong contender to take the “grand” prize, such as it is. And his plan was executed flawlessly, no doubt helped by the fact that he didn’t waste a lot of time and money trying to swing voters in Iowa. However, Michael probably didn’t predict that, after the polls closed, he’d be called upon to step in to break the tie between the contest’s two top entries, both penned by him.

Sadly, this means we’ll all have to wait a little longer to find out which brilliant arrangement of verbs, nouns and other parts of speech will forever be married to the image of some dude passed out in a snowbank in front of the Yukon government main administration building.

As soon as the winner has been declared, we’ll post the image for the next contest. Meanwhile, Michael may also want to start thinking about collecting on his prize for this contest, as well as the previous one. Two coffees with Mark is nothing to turn up your nose at, unless it’s Enviro-Lube coffee and you think Mark’s an ass, which would probably be the case.