Smells Like Yukon Flog

Rest assured, that title isn’t some rude reference to the status of any of the four-legged members of the Lyrical Hounds Northern Canine Theatre. It refers to the competition to claim the title of “Grand Winner” in Smells Like Yukon’s Caption Contest #16.

We’ve already received two entries from our Flog readership and, as previously predicted, a number of desperate entries from Smells Like Yukon producer Mark Koepke. Here are Mark’s entries (so far):

1. After missing the boat on April Fool’s Day, a team of precocious local kittens chooses Canada’s national holiday to make up for lost time.
2. The butter chicken was so good, Mike Grieco almost forgot the reason he was here. Moments later, the concession was firebombed.
3. As Smells Like Yukon’s official photographer approached their mock sandwich board, the diabolical geniuses from What’s Up Yukon’s Revenge Squad realized they were one step closer to achieving their dream of sabotaging the integrity of the Yukon’s only caption contest.

Just wondering: how many fridge magnets is that worth? Mark really wants to know.

For Caption Contest #15, we promised six special edition fridge magnets to the Meandering Michael who entered the best caption. After enlisting his young daughter as a pawn in a high stakes game to collect this alleged prize in the children’s playground at Rotary Peace Park, he later expressed surprise that the magnets actually existed. As Michael will hopefully confirm for all prospective contest entrants, the magnets really do exist–and they are SPECTACULAR. The lesson here: not everything you read on the Smells Like Yukon website is complete bullshit.

In addition to walking away with his tourism-slogon-spoofing bounty, Michael also had some Auto Erotica pressed into his hot little hand, which we can only assume he is now enjoying, alone, in his sleek Scandinavian station wagon.

If there are any lingering doubts as to the reality or quality of Smells Like Yukon’s caption contest prizes, consider the fact that Michael submitted his entry for Caption Conest #16 in record time, notwithstanding a short delay due to browser refreshing issues. Since we are out of fridge magnets, and Michael is already in possession of Auto Erotica, we can only assume that he’s very eager to win the beautifully compact umbrella that Mark, in an uncharacteristic and as-yet unexplained outburst of generosity, donated as a prize for the current contest.

We’ll also provide Auto Erotica to the winner, so if no one submits an entry to unseat the reigning champion, he’ll be doubling his pleasure… which is probably the last thing he needs.

At last, we have an image for Caption Contest #16. The SLY design squad slaved for hours to come up with the concept for this ridiculous image, then hours more to painstikingly create it in Photoshop.

We think you’ll agree that the results are amazingly lifelike–almost so real that you’d question whether or not the image, or any part of it, had been manufactured at all. You might even ask yourself whether this is just a photo taken in the food stalls at the recent Canada Day celebration in Whitehorse’s Shipyards Park. But then you’d reconsider and ultimately conclude that the idea is simply too far-fetched (groan) to be anything other than the most inspired flight of absurdity ever fabricated by Smells Like Yukon in its brief but illustrious history.

All but one of the special edition Yukon magnets that were anonymously donated as prizes for the caption contests have now been claimed, which means the winner of Caption Contest #16 won’t collect the incredible bounty that was up for grabs in the previous contest. But if the previous winner would be kind of enough to submit his entry (and probably the only one) in the next 24 hours, he could at least save us the trouble of arranging multiple deliveries.

The entry for Caption Contest #15 has been judged and, as anticipated, Michael Pealow has walked away with the title of “winner.” In addition to several coffees of dubious quality, Michael now has the option to collect a set of lovely fridge magnets that might remind you a little of a certain tourism department’s ubiquitous slogon. He also earns a few brownie points for adding a link to the definition of pigsticking, which will make more sense if you’ve seen the photo or read his winning caption.

To collect his prize (should he dare), Micheal has the option to arrange delivery in one of the following ways:

a) Baby stroller driven by Mark
b) Dog team driven by Mike Grieco
c) Mike Grieco driven by Yukon MP Larry Bagnell
d) Canada Post

The image for Caption Contest #16 will be posted within a couple of days.

Oh, and while we maybe have your attention…. another reminder that the final segment of Smells Like Yukon’s second season is scheduled to air tomorrow morning at about 7:15 a.m. And it’s going to be really, really good. Unless it’s bad, which is certainly another possibility.

If you’ve been intimidated by the apparently insurmountable challenge of winning the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest, you should check out this article about the strategies required to win the New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest. Now, that’s daunting. What’s worse, the prize for this effort–wait for it–is a print of the cartoon and caption, signed by the artist.

Here’s a caption for you, New Yorker: “Whoop-de-doo.”

Personally, a potentially free coffee with either Jesse or Mark sounds a lot more appealing. The fact that the prize for the current contest has been sweetened to include some tacky magnetic fashion for refrigerators only strengthens the case for you to abandon the long-shot odds of winning the New Yorker’s contest and turn your attention, instead, to a contest you could probably win with the bare minimum of functioning brain cells, never mind a coherent strategy. (No offense to past winners.)

If you read the fine print in the New Yorker’s contest rules, you’ll also note that you’ll have to ask them not to use your e-mail address “for future marketing purposes.” Rest assured, Smells Like Yukon would never dream of using information gathered through a caption contest for crass marketing purposes.

No, our caption contest exists purely for the sake of its own crassness.

Due to rising energy costs, Smells Like Yukon’s caption contest will now be taking place on a monthly basis rather than coinciding with new segments of the radio series. This will give you more time not to send your submissions in.

The June image has just been posted and awaits your indifferent response. When paying no attention, we ask you to not focus solely on the two dudes carrying the pig in the foreground, but to also do your best to ignore the sign that has been crudely Photoshopped onto the lamp post in the background. If, for some reason, your resolve to disregard the image weakens, please note how no effort has been made to adjust the contrast between the lighting of the foreground and background subjects.

Officially, the prize for the winner includes the same lame offering as always. But, thanks to an anonymous donor, the top three entries will each receive a rare two-piece set of fridge magnets that spoof a certain Yukon brand. More likely than not, this means that a certain someone will probably walk away with all six goodies, assuming he can arrange collection.

After much deliberation and no assistance whatsoever for the Flog’s readership, we have finally attached a winning caption to the photo of those corpses in army uniforms smoking outside Whitehorse General Hospital.

Since none of the entries we received made reference to the lethal smoking in the image AND captured the essential “Yukon-ness” we look for in an unforgettable image/caption combination, we were faced with a choice between our two unwritten criteria. In the end, our hearts told us to choose the caption with the most “Yukon-ness.”

After the judging, we shared a couple of smokes and a few good laughs over the whole affair, thanks to the pack left over from Mark and Jesse’s research for last year’s “Being Smokers” segment.

You may have assumed we received no entries to Caption Contest #14, but you’d be wrong. We actually received five–count ‘em–five entries. Never mind the fact that they all came from the same person. And never mind who that person is. If you don’t know, well… at least Michael Pealow does.

Unless the Flog hears otherwise, we’ll probably pick the caption that Mark likes best and immortalize it forever in the Caption Contest Hall of Infamy.

Here they are:

1. To help ease the staffing shortage at Whitehorse General, hospital administrators turn to veteran army doctors. Chief administrator says, “The doctor shortage is so bad, we’re down to a skeleton staff.”
2. Whitehorse General Hospital turns away veterans. Hospital officials state that they are “unequipped to deal with dead soldiers who have post-traumatic stress disorder.”
3. To counteract the successful “The few, the proud, the dead” anti-smoking campaign, Big Tobacco introduces its “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t” campaign.
4. “Hey Bill, what’s with the gas mask?” “I was assisting with a colonoscopy.”
5. “No matter what my doctor says, I don’t want to quit smoking. It keeps me thin.”

We’ll be posting the Caption Contest #15 after the next segment of Smells Like Yukon, which you can expect sometime in late May. Details to follow.

The image for Caption Contest #14 has now been posted to the Smells Like Yukon website. It kind of ties into the most recent segment, “The Smell of the Yukon.” Mostly, it was to indulge Mark’s twin fetishes: The Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise and Russian military culture.

The two characters in the image were actually photographed in a small Japanese car filled with school children. But in order to appease Whitehorse City Council, the Yukon chapter of the Canadian Cancer Society, and Yukon NDP leader Todd Hardy, our Photoshop technician went to great efforts to remove them.

This is how CBC morning show host Sandi Coleman described Jesse and Mark in her intro to the latest segment of Smells Like Yukon, which aired on Wednesday, March 12–a week later than we originally told you. In case you missed it, the segment was all about things that smell like Yukon. We know, we know–it was long overdue!

At any rate, we’re not sure what Sandi meant by this comment: are they below average or above average Yukoners? We’ll leave you to formulate your own answer to that question.

Still on the subject of above average Yukoners, we once again tip our hats to Michael Pealow, who captured his third victory in the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest. It was the only entry we received, but we dare say, if Mark was the final judge, we can’t imagine how it wouldn’t have prevailed against any slew of other fine entries. For all you keeners–namely you, Michael–we’ll be posting the image for the latest contest sometime over the weekend.

As usual, the broadcast of a new segment also means we’ve posted a new online poll. This one asks for your opinion about an official sound for the Yukon. We’ve also posted an audio outtake from the piece. This one might actually be worth listening too, assuming you’re easily offended and/or a member of the Francophone Association.

Smells Like Yukon has now exhausted its supply of canned segments for the season. Production of the final three monthly segments should commence sometime in early April, with a broadcast date to be determined. We’ll keep you posted.