Smells Like Yukon Flog

After a delay of two weeks, CBC North is scheduled to broadcast the season finale of Smells Like Yukon on Wednesday, July 2 at the usual time–between 7:00 and 7:30 a.m.

We’re telling you this now, rather than the day before the broadcast, because we hope you’ll have better things to do than spend the July 1 stat reading blogs. In fact, if you’re as smart as we assume our readers and listeners are, you already figured out how to get Monday off as well, and you won’t be reading this until both Smells Like Yukon’s second season and, less importantly, Canada’s national holiday are but distant memories.

The date may have changed, but the exciting plot for Wednesday’s season finale certainly hasn’t. We’re too lazy to find some creative new way to hype the big event, so click here if you’re the kind of person who gets goosebumps from recycled material.

We feel terrible.

First, we promised you video footage of starving grizzlies attacking the Flying Pisces Mobile Bistro. Then we destroy the tape. Then we’re unable to get new footage, even after the bistro spent a weekend in prime bear country during the Kluane Bluegrass Festival. (Don’t worry, we’ll keep trying.)

Now, on top of these disappointments, we now have to announce that, contrary to today’s earlier post, the much-anticipated season finale of Smells Like Yukon will NOT air tomorrow morning as scheduled. You don’t know how much we’d like to be able to say it’s because a starving grizzly ate the segment, but it’s more like something in the software ate it. Mark is now working to rebuild the file and, if all goes according to plan, the finale should air within the next eight days.

We’ll keep you posted.

Remember that Dallas cliffhanger when JR got shot? Or how about when Pam realized she’d dreamed an entire season–and husband Bobby hadn’t been shot at all. Or maybe that other season ender when somebody else probably got shot. Maybe Ray or Miss Ellie, who can can keep track.

If you’re wondering what the hell Dallas is, then we should really have Tommy Hunter track you down and whoop your ass with a little prayer book. Unless Sue Ellen pumped him full of lead, of course.

Dallas also provides a convenient segue into the news that Smells Like Yukon’s final story of the season will air on CBC tomorrow morning at about 7:15–and neither Mark or Jesse gets shot, much to your relief or… disappointment, as the case may be. However, your favourite “journalists” may breathe a little more exhaust than is healthy, all in pursuit of a story designed to keep YOU safe and healthy this summer.

If you need to you can listen to the segment live on the Internet by using the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage.

We should also note that the MP3 of the last segment, “Into the Mild,” is now available for online listening in the Members Club. If this applies to you, please… remember to wear your jacket. We made them for a reason.

Alright, so you’ve had an opportunity to hear James MCullough’s side of the “Into the Mild” story in its full-length interview glory.

If you heard the segment (which will be available Tuesday for online listening), then you also briefly heard from James’ partner, Glenda, who has persevered in her efforts to march–make that forced march–him into a future where the Great Outdoors is a less menacing presence.

We’re now pleased to present Mark’s full-length interview with Glenda, embellished with some music.

First of all, thanks to Google for bringing the Smells Like Yukon website together with legions of visitors searching for information and / or video of grizzly bear attacks. And to you disappointed visitors, all we can say is… we’re doing our best. It hasn’t been a great year for unprovoked grizzly attacks on street vendors within Whitehorse City limits. The fact that the Flying Pisces fish and chip stand was more or less out of commission during the past few rainy days certainly put our schedule even further behind.

However, the next few days could be really promising. It looks like the weather might have turned–and just in time for the Kluane Mountain Bluegrass Festival in Haines Junction. Given the popularity of this event, it makes sense that the Flying Pisces will be hitting the road to satsify the hillbilly hunger of all them bluegrass fans. We’ve got our fingers crossed that it might lure a few grizzlies as well. If we’re not mistaken, Kluane National Park has the highest concentration of grizzlies in the world. We can only hope that those bears are hungrier and / or a little less timid than the lame-ass bears in the Whitehorse area.

So, to all you bluegrass / fish ‘n chip fans… make sure you’re wearing your bear spray when getting your fix at the Flying Pisces this weekend. And, in the unfortunate event that you don’t need that handy canister to fend off a crazed, fish-starved sow in front of our hidden camera, you can always use it turbo-boost your crispy cajun.

Still wondering what all those apparently member-related references were about a couple of weeks ago? Well, here’s your chance to finally hear “dong” and “wang” on Smells Like Yukon–and understand why it was such a big deal.

Yes, segment #16, “New & Improved,” has finally been uploaded for the listening pleasure of the exclusive Smells Like Yukon Members Club. If you’re not already a Member, we’ll certainly entertain your application. Chances are, you’ll be accepted–but the votes by our Membership Committee are usually pretty close, and we won’t be afraid to rub it in if you qualify by only the slimmest of margins.

If you’ve been intimidated by the apparently insurmountable challenge of winning the Smells Like Yukon Caption Contest, you should check out this article about the strategies required to win the New Yorker’s Cartoon Caption Contest. Now, that’s daunting. What’s worse, the prize for this effort–wait for it–is a print of the cartoon and caption, signed by the artist.

Here’s a caption for you, New Yorker: “Whoop-de-doo.”

Personally, a potentially free coffee with either Jesse or Mark sounds a lot more appealing. The fact that the prize for the current contest has been sweetened to include some tacky magnetic fashion for refrigerators only strengthens the case for you to abandon the long-shot odds of winning the New Yorker’s contest and turn your attention, instead, to a contest you could probably win with the bare minimum of functioning brain cells, never mind a coherent strategy. (No offense to past winners.)

If you read the fine print in the New Yorker’s contest rules, you’ll also note that you’ll have to ask them not to use your e-mail address “for future marketing purposes.” Rest assured, Smells Like Yukon would never dream of using information gathered through a caption contest for crass marketing purposes.

No, our caption contest exists purely for the sake of its own crassness.

Blame it on the commodity boom.

Due to the rising cost of fodder, the Smells Like Yukon Online Poll has not been updated in conjunction with the latest segment “Into the Mild.” Going forward, we’ll be updating the poll on a monthly basis, along with the caption contest. Of course, we’ll understand if you turn elsewhere when you want to take the pulse of Yukon opinion. May we recommend the morgue? Do we even have a morgue?

To cushion the inevitable disappointment, Smells Like Yukon is pleased to present “Wild Thing,” a full-length interview with James McCullough, who was featured in this morning’s segment on CBC North. You’ll also find an assortment of outtakes and deleted sounds.

It’s hard to believe that anyone who isn’t “outdoorsy” would choose to live in the Yukon, but Jesse and Mark manage to make an example of a long-time Yukoner in the next segment of Smells Like Yukon.

The new segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, June 04–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

For devotees of the Smells Like Yukon Members Club, the previous segment of Smells Like Yukon, “New & Improved,” will be available for online listening no later than tomorrow. If you already heard the story on the radio, then you’ll know that the title was a complete joke.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with a “wealth” of content related to the new segment, including music details, behind the sounds gossip and audio outtakes. You can also feel free to check out our public opinion poll and current caption contest.

Due to rising energy costs, Smells Like Yukon’s caption contest will now be taking place on a monthly basis rather than coinciding with new segments of the radio series. This will give you more time not to send your submissions in.

The June image has just been posted and awaits your indifferent response. When paying no attention, we ask you to not focus solely on the two dudes carrying the pig in the foreground, but to also do your best to ignore the sign that has been crudely Photoshopped onto the lamp post in the background. If, for some reason, your resolve to disregard the image weakens, please note how no effort has been made to adjust the contrast between the lighting of the foreground and background subjects.

Officially, the prize for the winner includes the same lame offering as always. But, thanks to an anonymous donor, the top three entries will each receive a rare two-piece set of fridge magnets that spoof a certain Yukon brand. More likely than not, this means that a certain someone will probably walk away with all six goodies, assuming he can arrange collection.