Temporary fiddler-related setback
The Smells Like Yukon organization is in shock upon hearing the news (rumour?) on CBC this morning that Canadian fiddler Ashley MacIsaac will no longer be headlining this summer’s Atlin Arts & Music Festival. We’d been planning to announce some exciting news, but MacIsaac’s cancellation has killed that opportunity–and put the very solvency of Smells Like Yukon in doubt.
We should probably explain.
As you may or may not have noticed, we’ve been a little slow to roll-out new products for our online store. In fact, it’s been pretty much just the same two products since day one. But all that was going to change–thanks to the now-moot announcement, some months ago, that Ashley was coming to this neck of the woods. The thought of Ashley’s appearance had us really wondering how the fiddler’s notorious behaviour and, uh, interests, might change the atmosphere of the usually family-oriented festival–and how we might be able to make a buck or two. After a few product development meetings, we had our million dollar idea.
Now, if you’ve ever been to a northern music festival, you know it’s bad enough having to brave the overflowing Porta Potties. But it would be an entirely different sort of discomfort to spend the weekend in clothes soaked with urine–especially when it’s not your own. While there’s no direct evidence that MacIsaac has ever urinated on an audience, his related fetish has been pretty widely documented. He’s also been famously known to “go commando” beneath that kilt. So, you put one and one together and… you’d have been crazy to set foot in the Atlin festival grounds without your very own Smells Like Yukon Urine Poncho.
We’ve already placed–and paid for–an order for 2,000 of these specialty garments with an American supplier and we were busy getting geared up for a major marketing campaign over the next month. Now, we’re stuck with this huge inventory (1,950 in the “regular” version, plus another 50 of a “Superfan” version with a giant yellow bullseye) and the possibility of taking a major bath, financially-speaking.
Rather than writing up a glowing news release to herald our product launch, we suddenly find ourselves scrambling to unload a lot of merchandise. We’d love to find an alternative use / market that would allow us to offload the order in bulk and hopefully turn a profit or at least break even, so if you have any ideas, we’d like to hear them. Failing that, you can look forward to a firesale later this month.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:45 am
It’s amazing to think that Mr. MacIsaac’s Penile Interpersonal Spray System (P.I.S.S.) is so powerful that it could soak 2000 screaming fans.
Regrettably, it would appear that the market demand for your product was overestimated. Might I suggest that you enlist the assistance of a business advisor for your next foray into the world of business? I happen to know a good one.
In the meantime, you’re all creative chaps and I’m sure that a good idea will leak into your brains in no time; you’ll find some way to turn your “major bath” into a “golden shower” of profitability.
June 1st, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Thanks for the offer, Michael. Do you work cheap? Will you accept payment in fridge magnets? Do you have references? We know your work through the caption contests, but really… the fact that you even participate could be considered a mark against you. Not by us, of course.
Before we agree to work with you, maybe we could weasel some free advice on a trial basis.
Our latest idea to dump the 2,000 Smells Like Yukon Urine Ponchos, originally intended as Ashley MacIsaac protective wear, is to make a slight alteration and market them as “Cape Bretons” to discerning Yukon artsy types who’d like to show up at the next Nakai or Guild opening night in something a little more stylish and flamboyant than Carharts.
So, our question is: If we were to take this approach, would you recommend ordering 2,000 matching berets and trying to sell them as an ensemble? And what else might we include in the package?
Thanks in advance.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Again, although the idea has appeal, you still need a larger target market - which means that buying matching berets would be like throwing good money after bad.
The ensemble WOULD look great with matching rubber boots, though.
Maybe it’s time to have a chat with Matthew Lien about some spokesperson/modeling opportunities. The Taiwanese market is huge…
June 1st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Our Taiwanese reading comprehension leaves a little to be desired, but we’re pretty sure the last letter from Mr. Lien’s lawyer made reference to some kind of restraining order. So, sadly, we don’t think your idea is a viable option at this time. Of course, Smells Like Yukon always holds out hope of a rapprochement, followed by an invitation for Jesse and Mark to open for Mr. Lien in one of his Asian concerts, preferably in a city whose name ends in “dong.”
Your kind suggestion has raised another possibility, however. So, Ashley MacIsaac isn’nt going to come North and create a market for our Urine Ponchos. But maybe we could convince a popular homegrown act to incorporate a little waterworks into its stage show. If we could accomplish this, we might actually double the order and increase the SRP, depending on the act, naturally.
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:21 am
This year is the 30th Anniversary of the Dawson City Music Festival. There should be a good turnout and, with your new strategy, SLY could make this a festival to be remembered for decades to come…