Smells Like Yukon Flog

Good question. And, apparently, Smells Like Yukon isn’t the only one asking it. Just yesterday, someone from Washington, D.C. found his or her way to the Smells Like Yukon website using this very query. We’re pretty sure this person didn’t find an answer–at least not a good one–but hopefully the various re-interpretations of the Yukon’s Coat of Arms provided a little entertainment. By now, we think that everyone, including our friend on the Potomac, can agree that the better question is “Why isn’t Scooby-Doo on the Yukon Coat of Arms?” Damn, he looks fine up there.

While we’re on the subject, just a reminder that we’re still looking for entries for Caption Contest #13. So far, we’ve only received one and it’ll be tough to beat:

“…and that’s how Hanna-Barbera got the Yukon to change its motto to
‘Rarger ran Rife’.”

Our privacy policy prevents us from saying who submitted this entry, but we will tell you that he’s won the contest enough in recent months; and now, he MUST BE STOPPED.

Does anyone know how to block server traffic from a specific geographic location? Like Taiwan?

Someone—or some group—from the little island that drives China wild is so fanatically dedicated to Matthew Lien that they return time after time to our 2008 Strategic Resolutions Poll in order to diabolically skew the results away from what would otherwise be the clear popular choice: “Make fun of Matthew Lien.”

The fact that these hacker-types attempt to achieve their goal by always voting for Smells Like Yukon to “just give up” in the coming year only underscores that they’re too lazy to raise their game. If it was us, we’d redouble—or maybe retriple or even requadruple—our efforts to jack up the vote count for EVERYTHING except for “Make fun of Matthew Lien.” This might make it easier for other voters to help ourcause.

But, really, what are you Asian fanatics so worried about? We haven’t decided if we even want to make fun of Matthew Lien yet, or how we’d go about it if we did. So our advice to you is to relax—or we may be forced to add “Join Matthew Lien’s squad of Taiwanese online attack dogs” to the list of options in our “Every Dog Has Its Day Poll.”

Which reminds us: We’d like to tell prospective contestants that the winner of Caption Contest #13 will receive, in the mail via Canada Post, a unique signed first edition print of the sentence that was too crude for publication in the aforementioned poll.

Now there’s an incentive that’s hard to ignore.

As usual, Smells Like Yukoners have rallied to a worthy cause–but not in time to do any damn good.

Shortly on the heels of our announcement about the closure of the Subvert Smells Like Yukon Alternative Gameswear Where? Gallery at Flickr, Chairman Meow of the Cat Liberation Army (We’re not making that up; no REALLY, we’re not) sent an imploring e-mail, along with an image of a well-known Yukoner (in Canada Games volunteer jacket) providing colour commentary on a wrestling match. We sadly informed Mr. Meow that we are no longer affiliated with this project. However, it was certainly tempting to reverse our decision; had the wrestlers in the image also been decked out in gaudy orange jackets, we dare say that there would have been no resisting the appeal to ressurect the gallery.

Let this be lesson to everyone that you have to act fast–seize the initiative–if you want to see a great dumb idea thrive and prosper in this territory. As far as we’re concerned, stupidity is a participatory activity, not a spectator sport.

Thanks as well to all those who sent their condolences and Dennis Zimmerman, especially. It is heartening to know that, while we failed in our larger objectives, we have succeeded in securing a high Google ranking for one search term that will probably never be used–and another one that may serve us well long into the future.

It is with little sadness that we inform our fans that we have severed our ties with the Subvert Smells Like Yukon Alternative Gameswear Where Gallery.

In case you’ve forgotten, this was a Smells Like Yukon-sponsored Flickr goup intended to “showcase arresting images that reflect our hopes and dreams about all the things that Canada Games volunteers might accomplish while wearing gaudy orange fabric.” Apparently, this now makes the sole remaining do-nothing group member, Geof Harries, the gallery’s new administrator by default. We wish him all the best.

“But why?” you’re no doubt crying aloud.

Given the disparity in submissions, we were finally forced to tip our hats to the Ladakhian ringers and concede that the City of Whitehorse’s dumb idea was slightly brighter than our dumb idea. However, we’d also have to observe that the recent photo of Kenyan village people decked out in Canada Winter Games jackets suggests that, towards the end, the City’s idea was getting dumber at a faster rate than ours was.

We believe there’s further vindication in the fact that the CoW is no longer featuring the original Gameswear Where? Gallery prominently on its homepage. Nope, it’s now buried in the submenu under City Council, where it will surely die—unlike, say, the property tax increases. Smells Like Yukon, on the other hand, continued to flaunt our failure in plain site, where no one bothered to look, until the bitter end.

Whatever we do, let’s try not to point fingers in anger. It’s a dark place none of us wants to go. We’ll all be better off to just ignore the possibility that the CoW’s powers of taxation and garbage removal may have been used coercively to solicit photo submissions from a citizenry fearful of bankruptcy and smelly kitchens. As much as we’d like to, Smells Like Yukon simply cannot compete with that.

We prefer to focus on the positive now, such as the promising Dog Gone Yukon Coat of Arms project. And once we’re done with that, we’ll probably take a figurative blowtorch (is there a tool for that in Photoshop?) to the sternwheeler on the City of Whitehorse’s logo.

Why?

To even the score, of course.

Thanks to everyone for the overwhelming outpouring of concern for Smells Like Yukon co-creator Jesse Devost.

As you may have read on this Flog, Jesse’s most recent stops on his six-month buggering-off-from-work trip were in India and Nepal. No doubt, you’ve also heard about this arrest that was recently made in the Nepalese town of Chitwan.

Right about now, you’re probably putting two and two together. Yes, Smells Like Yukon has been tricking out its website with all kinds of expensive new features, such as the Dog Gone Yukon Coat of Arms project (where, we might add, there have been several recent additions.) And yes, Jesse has on several occasions wired unusual sums of money back to the SLY office to finance these growing development expenses.

But, NO, he has NOT sold one or (as some rumours have it) both of his kidneys to get the cash. We just received the good news from Jesse by e-mail this afternoon.

What does this mean for you? Well, you can continue to use SLY.com with a clean conscience.

(This post is best consumed with Whitesnake playing on a portable Sanyo.)

There were tears. There was a nasty e-mail campaign. There was the whole race card thing. And, we suspect, there was even some online stuffing of the ballot boxes. But for better or worse, the campaign to claim the title of “Winner” in Smells Like Yukon’s Caption Contest #12 is now over.

Congratulations, Murray Lundberg.

We suspect you ran a dirty, underhanded campaign. But don’t worry–we love your for it. That’s exactly the kind of hope and change we’ve been looking for at the democratic party that is (and wll always be) Smells Like Yukon. Of course, you’re well aware of what the “prize” is, so we can’t blame normal people for wondering what’s wrong with you.

With the formality of a backhanded congratulatory statement out of the way, we can now turn our attention to the important matter of Caption Contest #13. Unlike the images for many of our caption contests, this isn’t just some random concoction. No, our team of Photoshop scientists carefully designed the image to create synergy with the most recent radio segment “Knock It Off.”

That’s what we call “marketing”, folks. You can just call it “wow.”

No, it wasn’t enough that we created the poorly-maintained and seldom visited Smells Like Yukon Scratch n ‘ Sniff Photo Gallery or the Subvert Smells Like Yukon Alternative Gameswear Where? Gallery.

Smells Like Yukon is now pleased to announce the somewhat less than Grand Opening of its new Dog Gone Yukon Coat of Arms gallery in the Smells Like Yukon Digital Scrapbook. Inspired by the most recent Smells Like Yukon segment “Knock It Off,” the goal of the gallery is to give Yukoners a glimpse of their future–symbolically speaking–without a husky on the Coat of Arms. There are only two images there right now, but since it’s damn easy to mock these things up, you can actually expect to see a rapidly expanding number of exhibits.

And on that topic, we’re wondering if there are any DINKish Yukoners out there who a) own a Pathfinder with a roof rack (Thule preferred) b) work for YTG and c) have a photograph of yourselves that you’re just dying to see slapped on top of Yukon’s Coat of Arms. Oh, and there’s one more criteria: please make sure you’re at least as attractive as an inbred dog. If you’re not sure, ask someone.

We’d also be happy to entertain any other suggestions for Coat of Arms mash-ups. If you have an image, send it. If you just have an idea–and it better be dumb–send that our way and we’ll see what we can do.

And finally… one of the options in the most recent online poll about the husky’s retirement plans involved a move to Nunavut. In case you were having trouble picturing this, we’ve now solved that problem for you.

Never complain that we don’t care.

Well, we knew it would happen. As soon as this morning’s new Smells Like Yukon segment “Knock It Off” aired on CBC, officials from the Yukon Quest were on the phone to register their bitter protest that we would dare to harm even one hair on the Yukon Coat of Arms’ husky dog–and just days before this year’s race is about to start. We expect that Tourism Yukon and perhaps the Yukon’s Commissioner may have similar complaints, but we’ve taken the phone off the hook.

On the upside, Alaska governer Sara Palin did Skype us to discuss the intriguing possibility of replacing the malamute husky with an Alaskan husky–or possibly a section of pipe. Discussions are ongoing.

As usual, we have released a new online poll related to the segment. It suggests about 20 great activities that the Yukon’s malamute might focus on in its “retirement” days. But what will really grab you is the absence of one suggestion that was simply too risque and controversial to publish.

The Behind the Sounds features for “Knock It Off” have also been posted to the site. This includes a rambling essay about dogs, a segment script, and several outtakes, including a candid heart-to-heart between Mark and his father.
As if all this wasn’t enough, you can cast your votes for the winner of Caption Contest #12. The polls will remain open until Friday morning, at which point we hope to have a clear Democratic winner that all Republicans can then proceed to rally against in the most malicious ways imaginable.

Good day.

Alright, prepare to be teased. Not a lot, just a little. But certainly enough to make it worth your while, especially if you’re chained to a cubicle at YTG.

Now, if you’ve been paying a bit of attention, you’ll know that the first Smells Like Yukon segment, which aired about a year ago, chronicled Mark and Jesse’s efforts to give the husky dog on Yukon’s Coat of Arms a personality makeover on the occasion of its 50th birthday. But if you’re not paying enough attention, you might jump to the conclusion that tomorrow’s segment is just a rerun of that original piece. And you’d be mistaken.

What actually happens is that Jesse and Mark revisit that first segment and entertain the possibility that they were wrong to toy with the beloved husky on Yukon’s Coat of Arms. What they should have done was knock that dog right off its pedestal—and replace it with a more modern symbol of Yukon life. Fired up with a new determination, the pair then canvasses opinion from a ridiculously small sample size of Yukoners, which eventually results in a visit to the local brewery. It isn’t long before they’re willing to ignore their exhaustive research and proclaim their own choice to replace the husky. You can blame it on the beer. Mark and Jesse prefer to call it “genius.”

This segment is scheduled to air on CBC Yukon tomorrow–Wednesday, February 6–sometime between 7:00 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. PST. If necessary, you can use the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage to hear the segment live on CBC’s internet radio.

As usual, the official Smells Like Yukon website will be updated with content related to the new segment. Online features include music details, audio outtakes, behind the sounds gossip, and a bunch of other stuff. As of today, the previous segment “B&R” is now available for online listening to Members in good standing.

In the meantime, we highly recommend that you take this last opportunity to vote in our current online poll about the best way to punish naughty Yukon News reporters who get too close to the Truth about the B&R conspiracy that controls the Yukon.

Consider yourselves teased.

We’re a month into our online poll about Smells Like Yukon’s Strategic Resolutions for 2008 and a battle of titanic proportions is still underway.

On the one hand, there’s the overwhelming majority of Voters Other Than Mark, which seems to feel that Smells Like Yukon should “just give up”–whatever that means. On the other hand, well… there’s Mark. Let’s just say he’s kept a pretty keen watch on the voting results and hasn’t been afraid to press his clicking finger into action to skew the results. And it’s not just to protect his job; it’s because he really believes his choice is better. As we enter the stretch during which 2008 Strategic Resolutions poll moves quickly from irrelevance to greater irrelevance, we’re looking at a race every bit as nail-biting as the Democratic presidential primaries in the United States. Not to mention that there’s far more at stake.

Judging by the responses to the poll, it’s also abundantly clear that Matthew Lien has been frequenting the Smells Like Yukon website. How else can you explain the multiple votes for “Beg Matthew Lien for job as opening act on his next tour of Taiwan”? Clearly, someone has decided that a trip to Asia just isn’t complete without Jesse and Mark in his carry-on luggage. Well, if Matthew wants them on his next tour so badly, why doesn’t he just call and ask, rather than waste his time trying to communicate indirectly through some some stupid poll.
Of course, not every voter has Matthew’s ultra-sensitive disposition. At least one person–not content to simply advise SLY to “just give up”–has hedged his or her bets by suggesting we invest in a huge inventory of Smells Like Yukon branded swag that no one will ever purchase. Nice try, whoever you are, but we’re afraid it will take more than bankruptcy to close this circus down.

We should add that our other current poll on the best way to punish Yukon News reporters who get too close to the Truth is also on the verge of being displaced by a brand new poll–but it would certainly be nice if it could be put out to pasture with at least one vote for something.

Surely, there must be some twisted reader out there who can dream of nothing more titillating than Matthew Grant and Chris Oke enjoying a friendly tickle fight with Yukon MP Larry Bagnell.

Or is it just us?