Smells Like Yukon Flog

On Wednesday, the airing of Smells Like Yukon’s final segment of the season heralded the arrival of summer (sorry about the two-week delay). And now, it is with pleasure–well, not so much pleasure as a misguided sense of obligation–that we herald the publication of the Smells Like Yukon Season 2 Wrap-Up Poll.

Yes, it’s your big chance to vote for your favourite story of the past season. This year, the story that receives the most votes will be invited back for a future “All-Stars” season, while the story with the fewest votes will be personally fired by BC billionaire Jim Pattison. Assuming you’re not blinded by the graphic on the poll’s webpage, we hope you’ll vote at least once to help us separate the wheat from the chaff–or the chaff from the chaffier, if that’s how you want to look at it.

I have to say, we’re really fond of this poll. First, because it’s super-easy to put together. And second, because it’s the one occasion during the year when Smells Like Yukon really indulges itself….

I know I said I’d been planning to spend some quality time outdoors yesterday, but when I poked my head out the door in the early afternoon, I couldn’t help but notice a couple of tiny clouds hanging around Grey Mountain and, when I looked really, really hard, at least one or two more loitering between Mount Mac and Haeckel Hill. I was so disgusted by this all-too-typical sudden downturn in the Yukon weather that I decided to stay in the office and wrap-up some important work.

One thing the lousy weather allowed me to do was pull together Caption Contest #16. I slaved for hours to come up with the concept for this ridiculous image, then hours more to painstikingly create it using my favourite graphics software.

I think you’ll agree that the results are amazingly lifelike–almost so real that you’d question whether or not the image, or any part of it, had been manufactured at all. You might even ask yourself whether this is just a photo taken in the food stalls at the recent Canada Day celebration in Whitehorse’s Shipyards Park. But then you’d reconsider and ultimately conclude that the idea is simply too far-fetched (groan) to be anything other than the most inspired flight of absurdity ever fabricated by Smells Like Yukon in its brief but illustrious history.

All but one of the special edition Yukon magnets that were anonymously donated as prizes for the caption contests have now been claimed, which means the winner of Caption Contest #16 won’t collect the incredible bounty that was up for grabs in the previous contest. But if the previous winner would be kind of enough to submit his entry (and probably the only one) in the next 24 hours, he could at least save us the trouble of arranging multiple deliveries.

Unlike the majority of my posts, this one is just like the title says. It’s too sunny to waste a lot of time typing maniacally–or whatever it is I do here–so I’ll get right to the goodies.

At long last, the season finale “Danger Liasons” aired this morning on CBC Yukon. As usual, you’ll find some outtakes and other stuff on the Behind the Sounds page for this segment. And, as a special treat for the Smells Like Yukon Members Club, we’ve already posted the segment to the audio archives, so you won’t have to wait all summer if you missed today’s broadcast. We were hoping to have the full-length interview with Dr. Brendan Hanley, Yukon’s Medical Officer of Health, available on the website, too, but technical difficulties have so far prevented its uploading. If it’s any consolation, there’s nothing funny about the interview. But then again, there’s nothing funny about unnecessary head injuries, working, or herpes, either.

In short order, we’ll have the image posted for the next caption contest. (Or maybe Michael Pealow could just write a caption, then we’ll find a photo to go with it?) We’ll also be posting a new online poll–your chance to choose your favourite segment of Smells Like Yukon’s second season.

The entry for Caption Contest #15 has been judged and, as anticipated, Michael Pealow has walked away with the title of “winner.” In addition to several coffees of dubious quality, Michael now has the option to collect a set of lovely fridge magnets that might remind you a little of a certain tourism department’s ubiquitous slogon. He also earns a few brownie points for adding a link to the definition of pigsticking, which will make more sense if you’ve seen the photo or read his winning caption.

To collect his prize (should he dare), Micheal has the option to arrange delivery in one of the following ways:

a) Baby stroller driven by Mark
b) Dog team driven by Mike Grieco
c) Mike Grieco driven by Yukon MP Larry Bagnell
d) Canada Post

The image for Caption Contest #16 will be posted within a couple of days.

Oh, and while we maybe have your attention…. another reminder that the final segment of Smells Like Yukon’s second season is scheduled to air tomorrow morning at about 7:15 a.m. And it’s going to be really, really good. Unless it’s bad, which is certainly another possibility.

Ah, to be young… new to the Yukon… and a newspaper reporter.

Fortunately, if the reporter in question ever gets bored of lounging drunkenly on Dawson City mountaintops (don’t we all, eventually?), he’ll only have to flip back a few pages from his own commentary in the June 27, 2008 edition of the Whitehorse Star to get some pretty wicked ideas about Alternative Activities for Inebriated People North of 60….

After a delay of two weeks, CBC North is scheduled to broadcast the season finale of Smells Like Yukon on Wednesday, July 2 at the usual time–between 7:00 and 7:30 a.m.

We’re telling you this now, rather than the day before the broadcast, because we hope you’ll have better things to do than spend the July 1 stat reading blogs. In fact, if you’re as smart as we assume our readers and listeners are, you already figured out how to get Monday off as well, and you won’t be reading this until both Smells Like Yukon’s 2nd season and, less importantly, Canada’s national holiday are but distant memories.

The date may have changed, but the exciting plot for Wednesday’s season finale certainly hasn’t. We’re too lazy to find some creative new way to hype the big event, so click here if you’re the kind of person who gets goosebumps from recycled material.

Recent events related to an ill-advised order of specialty urine ponchos has necessitated drastic cutbacks to my research budget. As a result, I’ve been unable to maintain my vigilant watch for the latest examples of incorrect spelling, poor usage, questionable headlines and misleading photos in local newspapers. Fortunately, I’ve got a few oldies but goodies kicking around the filing cabinet.

I know that kids are growing up faster than ever, but if society continues to tolerate experimentation with drugs, booze, premarital sex and cable TV at tender ages, is it just a matter of time before every fourth grader starts to look like this?

Yes, awards season is finally here.

While it may be too late to nominate me for a Council of the Federation Literacy Award for the work I’ve done under the “Stop the Presses” category on this very Flog, the bigger tragedy is that Mark probably won’t be recognized for his selfless efforts to point out the frequent, um, literacy issues related to What’s Up Yukon.

However, assuming you don’t waste valuable time filling about nomination forms for worthy candidates, there’s still an opportunity to nominate Mark for a Yukon Tourism Champion Award. What better way to acknowledge his tireless efforts to sell the Yukon through his work on Smells Like Yukon (e.g. “On Wal-Mart Time,” “Harder than Hell”), not to mention his development of the Yukon’s most cutting-edge line of “Larger than Life” parody products?

When you read the newspaper ad, I’m sure you’ll agree that this is exactly what Elaine Taylor had in mind when her officials dreamed this little scheme up.

If you feel that, in all good conscience, you can’t help Mark earn this incredible honour, then the least you can do is nominate Jesse Devost for Male Vocalist of the Year.

We feel terrible.

First, we promised you video footage of starving grizzlies attacking the Flying Pisces Mobile Bistro. Then we destroy the tape. Then we’re unable to get new footage, even after the bistro spent a weekend in prime bear country during the Kluane Bluegrass Festival. (Don’t worry, we’ll keep trying.)

Now, on top of these disappointments, I now have to announce that, contrary to today’s earlier post, the much-anticipated season finale of Smells Like Yukon will NOT air tomorrow morning as scheduled. You don’t know how much I’d like to be able to say it’s because a starving grizzly ate the segment, but it’s more like something in the software ate it. Mark is now working to rebuild the file and, if all goes according to plan (yeah, right), the finale should air within the next eight days.

I’ll keep you posted.

Remember that Dallas cliffhanger when JR got shot? Or how about when Pam realized she’d dreamed an entire season–and husband Bobby hadn’t been shot at all. Or maybe that other season ender when somebody else probably got shot. Maybe Ray or Miss Ellie, who can can keep track.

If you’re wondering what the hell Dallas is, then we should really have Tommy Hunter track you down and whoop your ass with a little prayer book. Unless Sue Ellen pumped him full of lead, of course.

Dallas also provides a convenient segue into the news that Smells Like Yukon’s final story of the season will air on CBC tomorrow morning at about 7:15–and neither Mark or Jesse gets shot, much to your relief or… disappointment, as the case may be. However, your favourite “journalists” may breathe a little more exhaust than is healthy, all in pursuit of a story designed to keep YOU safe and healthy this summer.

If you need to you can listen to the segment live on the Internet by using the link on the Smells Like Yukon homepage.

I should also note that the MP3 of the last segment, “Into the Mild,” is now available for online listening in the Members Club. If this applies to you, please… remember to wear your jacket. We made them for a reason.