One of the questions we get asked all the time is “What’s the hardest part about producing a segment of Smells Like Yukon?”
Naturally, you may be wondering why, if this is the case, the question has never been included in the FAQs. Well, it’s because we couldn’t be bothered to answer it—until now.
For the most part, our biggest challenges are the ones you’d probably expect: securing an elusive interview… rattling the composure of a powerful figure who’s determined to hide the truth from Yukoners… deciding what font to use in the script….
But “Danger Liasons” was different.
Looking back, we’d have to say that the hardest part (and, arguably, the most painful thing we’ve ever done) was listening to the Crash Test Dummies on a repeated basis. It started unpleasantly enough with several plays of the band’s cover of XTC’s “The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead”—a possible candidate to run under the clips about Yukoners who ride ATVs without helmets. The Emetic Meter rocketed even higher upon discovery of “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm,” which was preferred due to the fact that the non-lyrics of its nonsensical chorus wouldn’t compete as much with Jesse’s narration. What’s worse, having no CD or cassette version of this “song,” a certain someone was forced to watch the video several times on Youtube. If not for the occasional genocide, that lead singer's hair might easily qualify as the most disturbing and preventable tragedy of the 1990s.
At any rate, we just hope you appreciate the sacrifices we’re willing to make in order to incorporate a musical joke into a Smells Like Yukon segment—even one so subtle (or stupid) no one’s likely to notice (or care).
On a more positive note, we’ve always been huge fans of the Yukon supergroup Dandelion Wreath, so watching the video to its timeless hit “Solstice Potluck Dinner” was a supreme joy. However, at the risk of being politically incorrect, we feel the need to reiterate something that should appear plainly obvious to anyone who sees the video: one of those chicks is quite a mutt. (And we’re not just saying that because she unceremoniously dumped Mark after a night of blind-drunk passion following a canine comittment ceremony in the Pilot Mountain subdivision circa 2002.) It’s a shame that more people hadn’t discovered this legendary band before its recent quasi-farewell; on the other hand, it’s a blessing for beer-goggle owners that the band’s token ugly girl swore a vow of celibacy in 2004.
If you’re reading this, then you’re a true fan of Smells Like Yukon—and we don’t need to tell you that, above all else, you value the accuracy in the work we do. So you’ll also appreciate the great lengths we went to determine what TV shows were airing at around 6:45 p.m. on Tuesday, May 6—the moment when a government contractor decided to unleash its own mini-Krakotoa on the unsuspecting residents of the Lobird trailer park. If you take the time to track down an old copy of the Telestar—as we assuredly did—then you’ll discover that the flying rock could have interrupted Seinfeld, Entertainment Tonight or Jeopardy. Personally, we’d probably go with the flying rock.
Our rigorous journalistic practices notwithstanding, we’re willing to admit that we may have taken some creative license with the sound effects of the explosion and impact (not to mention the droning ATVs; in actual fact, a motorcycle in Wales). The truth is, we don’t really know how this unfortunate event would have sounded from a Lazy-Boy in Lobird. You’d have to ask the occupants. We briefly considered this approach ourselves, but decided that we needed to be more sensitive to the family’s trauma; if you think Rain Man went nuts when he missed The People’s Court, you definitely do NOT want to provoke a Lobirdian who’s just been denied his full half-hour with Alex Trebek.
So, enough about the trials and tribulations about producing this segment. Let’s turn to the easiest part—which kind of brings us full circle. In the end, the easiest creative decision was actually to cut the Crash Test Dummies' "music" entirely from of our radio story. For this small blessing, you can thank us by understanding that there’s no way we’re going to sully our website by embedding the offensive video, even as a joke. Showcasing Paul Anka was one thing; forcing you to look at that Crash Test lid would be just too cruel.
However, if you’re that guy who wasn’t content to take Mark’s word for the fact that someone had done a nasty Number Two in the yellow airplane at the Rotary Park children's playground, then you can always click here.
